Freedom

Of all the things to post about, here I go on the ONE thing I do not want to share with anyone.

I hate change.

That's not the news - that's just the disclaimer.

We are not ready to buy a house.

That may not strike you as awful, terrible news. But, for me, it broke my heart. We have been planning this for awhile, going to the bank to talk with the loan officer, meeting mortgage brokers and asking questions. Finally, we agreed to meet with the real estate agent our loan officer recommended. Over waters at Starbucks (not drinking coffee makes us pretty boring), Cameron got a chance to "read" him. We gleaned so much information from him, scheduled a tour of the Woodinville/Monroe area, and went out on our journey a few days later. We toured 4 properties, one of which I fell in love with. I'm pretty sure it was close to Cameron's dream place, as well.

Let me describe it for you: simple rambler painted robin's egg blue (ah, heaven) with covered porch (finished porch with recessed lighting, I might add). There was a separate 2-car garage converted into a shop, a well room with storage, a chicken coop/storage shed, AND a separate studio/office with built-in cabinets (no bathroom, though). The house was simple, beautiful, and fairly light (a huge necessity for us). But, the kicker was the property. Gorgeous, rolling hills - 3 acres of them. Perfect, open farm property. And a pasture for the goats we will someday have.

I tell you, I dream of the day when I can cuddle in the grass with my kids and my animals all snuggled around me. I can't wait to pick up warm eggs from the chicken coop and watch my goats eat the weeds around my lush garden (of course it will have to be fenced in).

Once again, though, I made an idol of something not to be worshiped. Someday, a house will be right for us. When it is, we will feel peace about it. Cameron did not feel that. And, let me tell you, it was H-A-R-D for me to follow him this time.

I love being married. It is a huge blessing. And it is rarely this difficult, but I made a decision to make Cameron my leader. He is my spiritual authority. I have to learn to trust him in making decisions. And you know what? Choosing to honor his request for me to stop looking for and blabbering about houses has been a huge relief. I had no idea how obsessed I had been. It was like a noose around my neck. Allowing him to lead is freeing. And, when that someday comes, it will be great, because we will have chosen it together.